You broke my best friend. How can you sit there and be mad at her? How can you sit there with all the broken promises and lies? You hurt her way worse than Travis ever has and you have the nerve to be mad. Something I’ve learned with all my struggles is that it takes two. It takes two to make a relationship work and it takes two to make it go downhill. You are just as much to blame for this. I have your phone number and you have no idea how much I’d love to call you and bitch you out. I’m almost 8 months pregnant other wise I’d really like to just slap you across the face and maybe you’d realize what your doing. You don’t deserve her. You never did, especially now. She loves you, she’s IN love with you with all your damn baggage and you give that up so easily? Go to hell. My best friend deserves better than a dumb ass girl that can’t see what she’s got right in front of her. A dumb ass girl that puts blame on my best friend. And a dumb ass girl that’s to stubborn to just love people instead of push them away. Keep it up and you’ll wake up one day lonely with no one there while my best friend has moved on in life and happily married with the family she’s dreamed of. Wake up before its to late because although I hate you I know how she feels and I know what she wants.
I didn’t have sex this late in my pregnancy with William because I’d freak out. I just couldn’t handle it. However, this time I want to have sex but my stomach is so big that all my favorite positions and the positions that felt the best are impossible. It’s very frustrating.
Anthony is either asleep or partying and my best friend never has time for me. I just feel alone a lot lately.
I love you Amanda, but I have things going on too.. i’m sorry..
I love you to and I understand that. I understand that everything I know about your breakup and how you feel is basically from tumblr. Before you guys broke up you still never had time for me. Of course you made time for Kenni which again I understand. It would just be nice if I was actually treated like a friend every so often. Like I said I understand what’s going on which is why I’m not bugging you to come over or asking questions you don’t want to answer.
At lunch today Anthony and I talked about his living situation. He wants a room mate so that all the bills aren’t just on him. I think it’s a good idea. His lease is up in September though so he said he was going to say that anyone who wants to find out what it’s like to live on their own for a couple months can be his roommate. And he’s probably going to renew his lease because of all the damage to the apartment. We also talked about us. My lease is up in September to and I told him I wasn’t sure what I was going to do after that. I told him I don’t want to move in with him because we wouldn’t be ready still. We kind of keep each other in mind when we think about the future. We aren’t together but we’re in a good place. We’re both figuring ourselves out again and also figuring each other out. My mom is going to be mad but what I hold onto is that her best fried Alex told me that if he makes me happy to fight for him and that’s what I’m doing. I will continue to fight for him until I know it’s useless because I love him and I love our family and I want us to be a family. I hope to marry him one day when we’re both ready.
I had a little note pad, in which I wrote, “Can’t speak, Ursula the Sea Witch stole my voice! But I’m happy to assist you!”And a little girl came up to me, read my notepad, grabbed my hand, and dragged me all around the store,asking random guys if they’d like to be my “true love” so I can get my voice back and stay human.…it was the most adorable, awkward situation I had ever been in. Everyone else got a kick out of my reference too.
(and I’m not blaming people at all right now) but the mass amount of young moms that are continuing to get pregnant kind of made me think ‘ok I can do this’ when I found out I was pregnant. The internet has money young moms that are getting pregnant with their second or third child and are keeping them and raising them so it kind of made me think I could do it to. Obviously I can’t though. If I am going to make sure this baby has the best life she could possibly have I have to think about things, and I mean REALLY think about things. After having my son I knew I didn’t want another kid until much later in life and I tried to make sure of that. I had an abortion when I became pregnant and I used protection when having sex. When I got pregnant with baby girl I knew there was no way I could have another abortion because I knew I wouldn’t be ok if I did it again. And around the time I found out I was pregnant I was watching videos of moms that were thriving and I was following moms that had multiple kids and were doing just fine. I thought I could do it to and not once thought about adoption until I was already 5 months a lot. I still have so many things I want to do with my life and some of it is already hard to do while having one child, imagine having two. I have dreams and goals and being a mother was never at the top of my list. I put William first now that he is here and now being pregnant with baby girl I am putting her first as well. I can’t take care of her and as much as I wish I could I just can’t.